The Holiday season can be a pretty overwhelming time to adults. Now imagine being a child and having little control of how it unfolds. As adults, we are excited for the time with family, yet anxious about old habits and triggers resurfacing. We think we have finally figured out how to remain grounded with all of the extra people and demands on our time.
That comment about our body, parenting, house; made by our mom, mother in law, aunt, sister etc will not bother us this time.
We will not fight with our siblings!
Whether we realize it or not there is a current of stress under all that excitement. It flows with the desire to get it right, make it special and ensure that it is a beautiful season for all. In the midst of all the busyness and expectations, we sometimes forget to prioritize our healthy habits, boundaries and schedule. As a result, things can get a little hectic for us and our families.
- Bedtime gets pushed back
- Rules get bent with well intended (or not so well intended) family visitors
- Over-stimulation runs rampant
- Our healthy habits run out the front door.
I think we often underestimate how the season affects our families. Keep reading for tips and tricks to keep our children (and ourselves) feeling balanced and healthy for the holidays!
1.)Write a social story or let children know what to expect.
Whether you are traveling or having family stay with you, it is a shift in normal routine, and while you may know how to handle different members of your family and their quirks, your child may not. Make sure you have a conversation about what the day/ week may look like or feel like before it happens, this will help to stifle any anxiety induced behavior issues. Does your child need additional help understanding or visualizing? A social story is an awesome way to set up expectations. See more about Social Stories Here.
2.) Talk to children about their physical and emotional boundaries and support them in the assertion of said boundaries.
Everyone, even children, have a limit to how much physical contact they are comfortable with and from whom. Keep in mind that during the holidays children are asked to interact with family members who they may not see on a regular basis. It is best to ask children the question “How would you like to say goodbye to (insert family member here)” rather than “Give grandpa a hug goodbye”. You want to ensure the child feels a sense of control over their body and choices while still exhibiting manners.
On that same note, remember to refrain from sharing information without your child’s consent, regardless of age. It is horrifying for your child to have a family member bring up a topic they assumed was shared in confidence. Ask before you tell a story about, “Jimmy’s failed test”, “Anna’s new crush” or “Johnny’s social struggle with his friend group”.
3.) Remember that over stimulation is common for children (and adults) of all ages.
Watch for signs of over stimulation in your child and make a plan for how they can handle it. Discuss the plan before heading into a social situation. Maybe they need a check in with a parent throughout the night and possibly a quiet place to recharge. You may even need to be willing to end an evening early if you can sense your child/ children have had their fill. Be willing to be flexible to the needs of the family.
4.)Weave in downtime
Take a day or a few hours to have special time with each child. Make time for yourself! Help children process if they have witnessed a comment or an argument that was not intended for their ears or eyes. Allow them to take a break if people are visiting and do not expect them to be ON the entire time. Allow them to adhere to their sleeping and eating schedule as much as possible. Kids crave predictability and do best when days follow a routine, even when traveling. Not following a routine? Refer back to #1 and help prepare them for what to expect. Do this for yourself as well!
5.) Have fun!
Let go of the stress and expectation of the season; try to be in the moment and enjoy. Remember to care for yourself first so you can offer care and compassion to your loved ones. Meditate, exercise, eat healthy and drink lots of water, in between all of the social gatherings and family visits. Encourage your children to do the same!
6.) Reach Out
If all else fails, reach out to a Child and Family Specialist. We can help you and your child manage big emotions and feelings around stress and family. Healthy stress management starts with being aware of our limits and maintaining boundaries in our daily lives so that we are prepared when additional stress comes into play, like the holidays!
Andrea Salvo ~Barefoot Counseling LLC~ www.barefootcounseling.com~ [email protected]
Beautiful and well thought out from a child’s perspective.